My Fabulous Weekend u Zagrebu

I’ve had the best weekend ever, and I’m so glad it happened this way because I most likely would have been depressed if it were any different.

So, school has gotten a bit frustrating. I miss my professors at Clark, how inspiring they are, how engaging they are, how applicable they make things seem. Well maybe I’m mostly talking about Duncan, and he’s not even at Clark anymore.

I told my academic adviser here, Orli, I might be interesting in doing my ISP on consciousness raising through dialogue, how different people (children vs. older generation) are dealing with the past, how the younger generation learns their country’s past in school, etc. And how dialogue can be used as a reconciliation and peace building tool. This is Orli’s academic niche, which means she has a smörgåsbord of contacts and references, which is great. On the other hand, she could become too controlling, too critical, too…present in what I want to do because it is her thing. We'll see!

So with this in mind, I’ve been getting a bit nervous with the ISP. I was talking to my friend here, Becca, (who I’ve been getting a lot closer with and whose just a great person), about how her mother goes to Africa with nurses and travels around caring for the women the nurses treat. This is anything from giving them massages to painting their nails, talking etc. I have been thinking a lot about this kind of work, especially since I am interesting in going to massage therapy school to get the tools. I noticed it when I was in Mexico, how there are people who work so hard who don’t have any attention paid to their body. It’s important and it’s something that I really care about. Is it good enough? I don’t know. But I might go with her to Kenya next spring break, oh yeah Mom and Dad, just to let you know I’m going to Kenya next spring break! I might want to add this kind of theme to my ISP. Who knows.

Anyway, so that is why I needed a nice weekend. Friday night, after helping a local PhD student with her research (I volunteered to have my head hooked up to a machine to follow my brain activity with learning Croatian, weird I know, but interesting), I went to Becca’s host family’s house right outside the city. They live on a mountain in a very beautiful area. Her and her host bro’s and sister watched “Step up” and vegged out. It was exactly what I needed! I got 10 hours of sleep and we woke up and ate muesli with warm milk and coffee out on their deck. We decided to ride bikes into the city, down tot Lake Jarun, the biggest lake in Zagreb. Becca lives to the north of the city and Jarun is in the southern part. It was the most gorgeous day and I was so happy to get out into the sun and work my body. It has been really hard to stay active here for many reasons so I could feel my muscles remembering what work feels like. We got a bit lost but made it to the lake and rode around it twice (it’s 8 lm around). We got cappuccino and watched the swans waddle through the water. We checked out the night clubs that are the most popular in the city there. We rode back up to my apartment (in the center of the city) and ate lunch, where I proceeded to eat liver for the first time. I told becca not to ask what kind of meat it was because that is my policy here as a meat-eater. What I don’t know can’t hurt me. It turned out to be pig liver and I almost upchucked my lunch.

We rode back up to her house, up the god damn mountain! It was hard but worth it. That night we went back out to the city to dance and have a few drinks.

I woke up this morning and went on a 4 hour hike/walk with my family in this big national park. It reminded me of Beaver Brook at home, except a mountain and a lot more people (and of course in Croatia). I spoke with cousin dzenia, who came with us, a lot about Porec and Lubljiana, Slovenia, where I am going this week with SIT.

This trip has come at exactly the right moment. I am feeling myself feeling annoyed and overwhelmed by my host sisters, which is good because it means I am comfortable. I want to be with the group more, we all get along so well and have a great time together, and I want to travel! We leave in the morning to Porec, on the Istrian peninsula until Wednesday, when we’ll head to Slovenia for 3 days. The academic schedule is turning into more what I thought the program would be. We have been studying the history for so long that I forgot why I came here! Our schedule next week looks so interesting and fun! I might even get to swim in the Adriatic!

I hope everyone is doing well. Tomorrow marks one month since I left home. Happy (30^th) Birthday Momma Getto, I love you so much and I keep you with me always! I love you too, Dad! Take mom for some LA Dim Sum.

Hair Fury

This is completely (well almost completely) unrealted to my experience in Croatia. I am attempting to grow out my hair and it is in that fro-messy-i actually might have to brush it faze. And it is pissing me off. Ethan, one of the students on the trip, buzzes his hair regularly aand makes me very jealous. One of the reasons I decided I would grow my hair out was I didnt want to stick out more than I had to here. BUT THERE ARE SO MANY WOMEN WITH BUZZED HEADS! I told my host family that I was thinking of buzzing again and the little girls basically said I would be ugly and I wasnt allowed in the house with that hair. They were kidding but not really.

AHHHHHHHH.

But, what is making me keep going is the fact that I had a dream the other night where my hair was grown out. I think it is a sign for me to keep trying. Wish me luck.

ps i go on a week long excursion starting monday to Poreć, Croatia and Slovenia.

Basically, it was Woodrow Wilson’s fault

I am in constant awe of this place’s history. For so long I have studied development mostly focused on Latin America. For the past two years I have been learning about IMF/WB intrusion on economies, capitalism as the evil doer, cultural survival, anti privatization, corporate scum, the big bad globalization force, hegemony and homogeneity and hierarchy, partiarchical structures, social structures, economic structures, theory and theology and ideology and partisanship and corruption and values and exploitation…

Now I am hearing about the ex-Yugoslavia, specific to Croatia (for now), and how their economy, their government, and their society has been transforming since independence in 1990. The HDZ (The Croatian Democratic Union, the “right” Christian democratic party which won in 1990 under the leadership of Dr. Franjo Tudjman) is pro-family (but in their minds pro family is a mother-father lead family, giving no rights to the single mother or the lesbian couple or the gay couple, simply mother-father lead families), “the family comes first!”, where all the members are devout Catholics who attend Church and who are very involved in looking towards the future of Croatia. They are for a speedy transition into the European Union (they want it by 2009), they love the legacy of Tudjman and what he (and the HDZ) did for Croatia, they are for liberalization of the market, privatization, they want to reduce unemployment and get more of the youth into tertiary education. I only know all of this because we met with the leaders of the MHDZ (the Croatian Democratic Union Youth Organization, the biggest party affiliated Youth organization in Croatia). If you ask me, Croats and United Statesians are very different breeds. I caught myself gasping at some of their thoughts. But it was cool to listen to them, to hear their side of things.
But was has caught me the most (as we’ve begun digging deeper into the economic development of the area), is their move from socialism to capitalism and how it has been doing wonders for the economy. How they WANT privatization, Europeanization, Westernization, Globalization, Homogenization (seemingly). It’s just a mind screw for me. People really think this way here.

And I think it’s interesting to think of the demographics here in comparison with the demographics in the US. We have so many more ideologies, so many more religions, so many more languages and backgrounds and POPULATION (Croatia has half the population size of Manhattan), that macroeconomic policy, macropoltiical policy, is very hard to create while at the same time making people happy. Here, it’s just a lot more mono-everything. Sure there are still a few jews, a few Serbs (they are the biggest minority and I think they are 4% or something), Italians, Albanians, Greeks, Hungarians, Bulgarians, etc). By think of it regionally: most of those people are from Eastern/Southeastern Europe. Think of the States – people are coming from everywhere in the globe. How can we make things that fit everyone’s needs?

But there is definite dissent in this region as well. When people think back on the ‘90s in the Balkans, they think of how crazy Milosovic was and the Serbian nationalists. But what was covered up in all of that were the thousands of people set against the war, against nationalism, against conquering of land and people. These were the activists, the women, the teenagers, the men—who wanted to preserve their ties with their brothers and coexist peacefully.

And when people think back on the Croats, they think of how crazy those people were to elect Franjo Tudjman—the man who lead the slaughtering of so many Serbs during the 90s. But what they don’t hear are the stories of why the people chose to elect him and the HDZ—because if you wanted independence, you went with the HDZ, if you wanted to keep communism, you went with the Communist party. People didn’t elect Tudjman, they elected democracy and independence, they needed jobs and to lower the 1000% inflation in their country, they needed international recognition and respect. They needed to be seen.

And as I look back on what I just wrote I think I have learned a lot. Maybe this program is working out (and it’s only been a month). Maybe my ideas can get me somewhere here. Maybe I am learning the people and the language.

Oh—and today we met with a professor of Political Science at the University of Zagreb, and he said this: It’s a common misconception that Serbs and Croats have always hated eachother. Basically it happened in 1918 when US President Woodrow Wilson announced the Kingdom of the Serbs, Croats, and Slovenes, and put all of those people together for the first time. They had never had major tension before, so basically, it was all Wilson’s fault.

The end. For now.

Hrvatska Sabor and a lot of tea

(Tito and the girls)

(Ksenia, Sandro, Katarina, Grace, Me, Becca, Petra, Dora, and Bepo--family and extended family)

Some people think Tudjman was good, but my host dad (well the man who is separated from my host mom but who sometimes comes into the house to drop off food/money etc), says he doesn’t like Tudjman. Jako loshe (very bad). He said that a lot of people who didn’t have a lot of money during Tito’s time like Tudjman because they have a lot (people in the country). But those who did have good jobs and money during socialism were and still are very unhappy with Tudjman. Right now, the president of Croatia is Mesic, and my host dad says that he doesn’t play such a big role in the decisions. Parliament is more important because they make the decisions, Mesic is just the international figurehead for Croatia, not very important, he says.

We talked about economics and his bar over some homemade Dalmatian wine and proscuitto. He isn’t such a bad guy, he tried to make conversation and he shared his thoughts and food with me. I do think it’s significant that he comes when Irena (my host mom) is not home. I wonder what the real issue is between them.

Today we visited the Croatian Parliament. Our tour guide was a Member of Parliament, the youngest Parliament member, AND she is a WOMAN. There are 152 members of parliament, with 21 females in all. She is the youngest and is very witty and humble (seemingly). In Croatia there are 10 electoral districts. IN each district there are 14 elected members, there are also, separate from the districts, 8 elected minorities (Serbian, Hungarian, Czech, Italian, Russian etc, who are guaranteed representation), and 4 members who are elected by Croatians living abroad.

There are more than 20 committees in Parliament which don’t play a big role in the decisions/legislation passed. This is very interesting because the woman who toured us said that it used to play more of a role but now is limited, people don’t shw up for the meetings, the meetings are general, etc. I wonder why this is.

Croatia is applying for membership to the EU. There are EU flags next to every Croatian flag on government buildings. A lot of legislation has been made to follow the guildlines of EU structure, which is very interesting indeed.

She was 21 when she was elected to Parliament. She had to work very hard for respect and attention from the other members of parliament. For a while, they would all walk out of the meetings to smoke a cigarette or have a drink when she talked, now some of them listen, soon more of them will listen. I admire her a lot. She represents, as much as she can, the voices of many of the youth of Croatia. She keeps a blog of her thoughts, gives out her cell phone number to citizens, visits people, writes her speeches, works for herself entirely (unlike US politicians), and is very motivated. I was impressed.

But she isn’t a feminist. It was surprising that she said it so straight forward in front of us all. I can’t imagine being in her position and not being a feminist. She said she believed in equal opportunity for women and men, but didn’t believe in equality for all people because “all people are different”, which sort of makes sense but doesn’t at the same time. A few of us got into a conversation afterwards over some espresso and popcorn, talking about how feminism is different here in Croatia compared to the US. Here, there aren’t many differences between people. Ethnically, there are minorities from the region (probably the furthest is Turkey). There are hardly any black people here (I think I’ve counted 6 so far). In the US, feminism is divided according to many different things, but mostly black feminists are very different than white feminists (I don’t even know if “waves” of feminism exist here, possibly a very interesting subject to research….hmm).

But speaking of research, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I should do during my Independent Research time in the area. I think I might end up traveling around, rather than sticking to one place, and researching how people, mainly teenagers/youth, understand the region’s past, specific to the wars and political changes (socialism to capitalism). I want to better understand how collective memories are created here, and how it might be different according to ethnicity/nationalism (Serb, Croat, Bosnian, Muslim, etc). What do you think?

I discovered this website… http://www.nansen-dialog.net/
. This with the combination of my interest in Dialogue back at Clark, could make for a very interesting research plan…

Your thoughts?

Love, Erica

Another year older

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)"

- ee cummings

It is hard for me to understand my existence here in Zagreb. Maybe it’s because nobody, and I mean nobody believes that I am from the US studying in Zagreb. They all think I am lying. They laugh, they mutter something in Croatian under their lips.

Yesterday was my 21^st birthday. I wish birthdays didn’t make me feel so vulnerable, but they do, and as I was taking my two tests, one in Croatian and one about the history of Yugoslavia (as if it is pie to understand), I almost had a breakdown. I feel very happy here, and I’m glad I’ve been kept busy so much. But a little piece of me is poking my side reminding me that it’s not all here. This isn’t the place that sparks the fire inside of me. It became very very obvious one day a week ago or so, when I started talking about Mexico and the Zapatistas. I got excited, words were spilling out before I could say them, the warm sun and hot tortillas were fresh on my mind, the people, the mountains, the language…

I don’t feel too academically motivated here. I don’t know what I want to research, I don’t know how to talk to the people around me about certain issues, and I don’t know how to bring it to that next level.

But this doesn’t mean that Croatia, Yugoslav past, current movements, are not interesting. I have seen a lot of anthropologists very heavily embedded in one area of the world. It’s their place, where they have “settled down” as much as anthropologists can do that. I always wonder to myself how they found that place, how it got them, why, if they looked anywhere else. I don’t know if Mexico is my place, but it sure gets me going.

After the two tests yesterday, the entire SIT group surprised me with beautiful pink roses and a delicious, humungous cake. We are all getting sick, so it like this heavy blanket of stress from the tests was lifted off our shoulders and made into delectable goodness in our mouths. And all we had to look forward to was the night ahead – a night of dancing, celebration, and being together. That’s all I really wanted, to be with them. And we were, and it was good. But now I don’t have a voice really, the cold has settled in for good and I think today should be considered as “recovery”.

Don’t worry mom and dad, I didn’t get TOO drunk. I am happy because now, after all of the times of staying behind, I can finally go out to the bars with friends and talk, I don’t have to get kicked out or hop over fences, not be able to listen to my friend’s music because its 21+, and I can finally, FINALLY go out with my BROTHERS! I am very happy about that.

And now I can’t stop crying! Because a bunch of people sent me emails wishing me a happy birthday, and of course writing such nice things and bringing me that much closer to missing everything so much.

the group

Out of body?

Okay, so I have been here for almost two weeks and I still can't stop the international exhileration (to be away, to have everything look somewhat similar but unrecognizable, to start over, to build on what you have, to explore complete cultural phenomena, etc). It's been wonderful.

Today I met the "Dad"...funny enough the word for Dad is "tata" and the word for brother is "brat", both amazingly hysterical when thought of in English. The Dad of the family I live with is very...how can I say this without passing an enormous amount of judgement...I can't...an asshole. He didn't do anything to me, so breathe in deep Mom and Dad. He just, is an asshole. He is one of those big beefy guys who has a scratchy low voice, who is very good with his little girls but who you know, you just know, has anger issues and smacks his wife because he is 'the man of the family'. Today he brought me, Petra, and Dora to the brand new Mall that just opened up down the road and to buy groceries for the house. Except, he acted as an obligatory father figure and it really turned me off.

Irena, my mom, is so so so sweet and I can't imagine her putting up with such a person for so long. I have never been able to understand the pain and difficulty of living in a home where the parents are separeted or divorced, which I am so thankful for (Mom, Dad, keep pulling through! Let mom use the laptop!). But today I got a taste of the bitter taste Petra and Dora feel when with their Dad, knowing he once lived with them but treated Mama poorly and so now he doesn't live here anymore. It must be so hard.

And I am truley falling in love with my little Croatian sisters. It feels good to have so many women around! It's also quite different for me, I've always gotten along much better with the males of the world. But I think this is really healthy, and they are so beautiful and fun and goofy. We play the hand clap games a lot and it's fun to do with Dora (the 6 year old) because she can't keep the rhythm and forgets the pattern easily, sometimes hitting her face instead of my hand, so I pretend to hit my face too and she likes that, hehe.

The academics have been going well, although not too strenuous yet. I've been getting a bit stressed about the ISP (Independent Study Project). I have to start thinking of that more, but I have been having a bit of trouble relating my interests to this area. I don't think it should be hard but, it has been. This is what I'm thinking of:
- The female body, how it is viewed here by males and females, how it has evolved -- this could bring in a number of things such as war time abuse, to sexual education, to the media and consumerism/capitalism changing the social consciousness of women, etc. The women in Black movement, and other movements such as the Vagina Monologues, the suitcase etc which gives voice to many women.
- The creation of collective consciousness. This has really been interesting for me to hear about, especially with my experience in the Difficult Dialogue creation at Clark. How is history taught? How is it taught differently in the region? How do people remember things, how do people silence them? And how does it effect the current relationship between Croats, Slovenes, Serbs, Montenegrins, Albanians, Muslims, Macedonians, etc?
- Autonomous regions (Vojvodina i Kosovo) and their progress, the women's movements attached to it all.

More later, all my love.

family pictures

How to get drunk off of 15 kuna (less than 3 dollars). TOMISLAV BEER!

























Petra, Me, Dora! Sisters!














Irena (Mommy!) and me