Pink Floyd's The Wall saved Sarajevo

(Without these girls, I would not be okay here)


I feel tired. I feel really tired. Today we went over our schedule for the next month. In the beginning of this program, all the way back in September (seems like yesterday and a year ago all at once) I felt overwhelmed by the little amount of time I would have for my research. Now looking at the time, which starts a week from tomorrow, I feel almost panicked. How the hell am I going to be satisfied with this? Our ISP starts Wednesday November 14. Our first draft is due December 4 (just under 3 weeks), and our Final is due on December 11. Wow.

But this is what I am looking at (roughly) but my final proposal is due on Monday.

Title: Our Children, Our Future: Emerging Youth Activism in post-Milosevic Serbia
Main Question and Focus: How has the younger generation influenced current activist movements and why do youth decide to devote their time to activism? How has the activist movement emerged out of Post-Milosevic times? What are people fighting for in Belgrade?
Other questions:
- How does the youth population (ages 18-28) remember the wars preceding the fall of Yugoslavia, how and why has their perceptions changed, and how does it reflect their environments growing up?
- How has geographic location affected the way Serbian youth today visualize, remember, and deal with the past?

So basically, I plan on talking to a bunch of younger people working in NGOs in and around Belgrade. Here is a list of some of the NGOs I'm definitely talking with:
- Youth Initiative for Human Rights (in Belgrade and Nis/Novi Sad)
- Women in Black, Belgrade
- B92 (One of the only sources of alternative media during Milosevic's time)
- Culture for Peace Center
- Group 484

I also am going to talk to non-activists. Very important aspect to it all.

This is how I percieve what will happen: I am going to make a lot of cool connections, make new friends, have amazing conversations, and explore Belgrade. I really loved Belgrade when I was there, so I am totally ready to stick my feet all the way into it's juiciness. I love getting to know new places.

Esentially, in the few interviews I've given so far, I have found a few themes: 1.) During the wars in the 90s, rural Serbia (the majority of Serbia) had contact only with Nationalistic media outlets. These were all controlled by Milosevic. These locations are traditionally conservative as well, and traditionally tradition (I am funny). I am super intrigued as to why young people migrated to Belgrade (or Nish or Novi Sad, the other two major cities) and how their perceptions of that time have changed/haven't changed. If they are involved in activism, why did they choose that path? 2.) That activism isn't what it once was because now, well, now it isn't dangerous. And 3.) Young people moving to Belgrade have very different perceptions of what happened during the 90s and what Serbs did and did not do.

It's something I can relate to. I am a young activist from the States. I don't trust the media, I don't trust history a lot of the time either. I just don't knwo where the information is coming from. I don't understand how some people percieve certain situations so differently than I do, and I point my finger at their environment. In a place so full of corruption, death, and transition after transition, I can't even imagine how my generation in Serbia has grown up.

So wht do you think? Is it getting somewhere? I hope so, I only have a week to polish it. I am contacting people now.

Also, if you have any literature you think might contribute to my research, please email it to me!

Love,
Erica

Bosnia in Pics

In Order of Appearence: Sarajevo, Mostar (with the bridge), and Dubruvnik









Apparently this is why Edin fell in love with me. Because I drank special Bosnian water from the fountain.




This tunnel was the only source of mobility for people to get out of Sarajevo during the siege.








Map of the seige. The orange part around the city is where soliders were. The airport was controlled by the UN.







Turkish coffee



















Eternal flame









City of Sarajevo











Mostar (dangerous ruins) Under attack for a year























the bridge in Mostar







DUBROVNIK!

Bosnia

The past couple days have been heavy. Heavy like thick mud sticking your feet to a memory, a place, a feeling, a bursting bomb battering your neighbors lives, your son’s life, your life, or the life of your home, a place once so culturally rich and accepting, a place so unconcerned with ethnic or religious difference, that it was easy to live with one another, unified brotherhood just like Papa Tito always wanted. But Sarajevo went through hell and back during the war from 1992-1995. Eastern Bosnia, a place heavily mixed with Bosniaks and Bosnian Serbs, were ethnically cleansed. The stories of these people, the stories of response from Western powers, the stories that are buried in the mass graves spotted throughout the country, are enough to make me want to crack.

Sarajevo, the capital city of Bosnia, lies within the Federation of Bosnia I Hercegovina (BiH). After the Dayton Peace Agreements at the end of 1995, BiH was advised to split the country into two entities: the Federation of BiH, and Republika Srpska. Republika Srpska is in the eastern part of the country, on the border of Serbia. The city of Srebrenica (srebrenitsa) lies within this entity, a town completely dissolved by Bosnian Serb forces in July 1995, where thousands of women and young children were torn away from their brothers, sons, husbands, and fathers so they could be driven off and executed. Some of them escaped. Most of them died. The ¾ muslim town was completely cleansed of its majority, and now Bosnian Serbs rejoice over their territory. Thousands of people are still missing. The town was protected by first Canadian and later Dutch UN soldiers, who were symbols and tools of safety and peace. They handed thousands of people into the hands of Bosnian Serbs.

I have two recommendations for movies that you must watch: Cry from the Grave and the Survival Guide (about the Siege of Sarajevo). Cry from the Grave is an amazing documentary about the genocide (and yes, it has been recognized as a genocide) in Srebrenica.

Sarajevo is an entirely different story. The city, nestled quietly within the valley of big mountains, was surrounded by Bosnian Serb forces in 1992. From the end of 1992-1995, after almost 3.5 years, Sarajevo was under the guns of heavily armed men in the mountains. All electricity, water, food, everything, was cut off. For 3.5 years. If you want to read an extremely interesting recount of Western Response (primarily US response), read Samantha Power’s book A Problem From Hell: America in the Age of Genocide. The chapter titled "Bosnia: 'No More than Witnesses at a Funeral" was an amazing illustration of this.

Out of the 4 days I had in Sarajevo, I went out 3 of the nights, ate amazing Cevapi (little meat "turds" we call them, which taste amazing, in a pita with onions), Burek (which is thin layers of bread with either cheese, meat, potatoe, or spinach inside), baklava, Turkish coffee, and "turkish delight", which is a sweet here which I can't explain, but it has coconut and sometimes has walnuts inside and makes me so excited.

It was Becca's birthday on Thursday, her 21st. One of the men at the Pansion we were staying at, Edin, brought us out for it. That day was long: we talked with a woman who did work against Trafficking of Women in BiH (Bosnia i Hercegovina), we talked to the GLBT organization in the city, and we went to a drumming workshop, where 3 founders of the Sarajevo drum band (like a marching band) spent two hours with us and made us into our very own marching band. They usually do work with the elderly and the handicapped (mental and physical). They are three brothers who used to be in a band during the "shit period" (aka the war from 1992-95).

I have to share this: I think a Bosnian fell in love with me. Although totally not something that is on my radar, it felt really good to be noticed. It happened to be Edin, the Pension worker who had been helping us out all week. He is a really sweet guy. He is 24 and is working hard to make something of his life. His dream is to swim in Hawaii. I am not sure whether it is because I am from the US or what, but he seemed to be very interested very quickly. We exchanged contact and he might visit in Belgrade. But as far as I am concerned he was sweet and nothing more.

So Edin brought us out to Boeime, a club in the city. It was perfect for Becca's birthday. Lindsay, Marissa and I bought her champagne, and Edin brought us all vodka and we hung out and talked in the Pension beforehand. When we got to Boeime, we proceeded to meet a gagle of US Army NATO soliders in Sarajevo. The odds of this? But they were awesome! A few of them had just come from Iraq, and the little I got to talk to them about it, they seemed thrilled to be out of there.

And now I am in Mostar--which in the language means "old bridge". It is beautiful but quite touristy. But it is warm and the people are warm too. The group dynamics are breaking down but I've gotten used to enjoying my time with 3 others on the trip: Marissa, Becca, and Lindsay.

So tomorrow we head to Dubrovnik to walk around and catch a plane back to Zagreb. From there I have 9 days to get my life together and head to Belgrade, to start my ISP. I think Marissa, Becca, and I are going to live in a hostel together. We have friends there already and major plans to get down and dirty with academia, but have a great time as well.

Until next time (which will certainly contain pictures)
Erica

Sarajevo

I am in a city that was under siege for 3 and a half years, just 12 years ago.

Many stories to come when I have better internet connection and some more time. It is all so crazy.

Places to Go in the Next 3 Months

October 29-November 4: Bosnia (Sarajevo, Mostar, and then to Dubrovnik, Croatia)
November 4-14: Zagreb
November 14-December 12: Belgrade, Serbia (Independent Study Project, with trips to Novi Sad, Nish, and Novi Pazar, Serbia)
December 12-13: Zagreb
December 13-15: Slovenian Alps for ISP Presentations
December 15-17: Zagreb
December 17-18: Vienna, Austria
December 18-25: Israel!!!
December 25-27: Prague, CR
December 27-January 3: NEW ENGLAND!
January 3-10: Edwards/Vail Colorado
January 10-14: Home, Packing
January 14: Classes Begin at Clark

Holy Shit!

Camps and Festivals

By camps I mean concentration camps, and by festival I mean Zagreb Film Festival.

Today I went to a concentration camp in Croatia, on the border of Bosnia-Herzegovina. It's name is Jasenovac, and it was a working camp during WWII. Italy and Germany took over the entire region during the war. The Ustasha, Croat fascists, were allied with the Nazi's, and attempted to cleanse the then independent nation of Croatia of Serbs (first and foremost), Roma, and Jews. What was most fascinating there was the reason for killing jews: it was almost entirely imported in from the Nazi's agenda. The Jews weren't a people thought of as impure or something to be cleansed by Croat Ustasha (although there was some antisemitism in the area, and I am still unsure of how much of this I should believe). It seemed incredible to me to be standing in a place where an estimated 100,000 people died.

The camp was destroyed right after WWII. What remains is a huge field, with several mounds of grass, a small pond (where blasting happened to extract clay), and a huge Lotus monument. The monument, our guide explained, doesn't hurt the passerbys, rather serves to memorialize that space and that time. It was quite beautiful to be there: to look out into the mountains, to smell the sweet dew on the grass, see the water slowly move. It was hard to imagine that so many people died there. 10,000 Jews, 18,000 Roma, and 40,000 Serbs (plus others I won't forget to mention like Croats, Romanians, Austrians, Italians, Communists, a few Germans). It felt peaceful, but the ground screamed.

In the evening I went with 5 others (including Orli) to the Zagreb Film Festival, which is actually a 10 minute walk from my house. Films are being screened all week! We saw the most beautiful film--made in Israel, called "Jellyfish" by an Israeli couple who are both writers. It was their first movie. See it if you can, it's worth every second.

I would write more, but it's already midnight and I haven't been sleeping enough lately.

So much more to come.

To the moon and back!

(pictures of belgrade)





I guess it has just been crazy around these parts. First we went to Porec, to the Adriatic and the beautiful tucked away hostel and the truffles and wine and olive oil, then to Ljubljana, Slovenia, where the stomping grounds for the Peace institute are, the Metalkova’s, the inspiring communities of artists and journalists and researchers all working together.

Slovenes were interesting, and the city was nice, but, it was too snobby. In the Western European sense. In the EU sense. An example: “oh, you are studying in Zagreb? Why on earth would you do that (loud scoff)”. BITE ME. I love Zagreb. I love its lived-in feeling. It’s humbling. It’s real. You know why I love it so much? Because a lot of it reminds me of Worcester. And I love Worcester.

Then we came back home. Yes, Zagreb has officially become my home, somewhere of comfort and mobility and transformation. This is such an exciting feeling. I can feel myself detaching from my home, from my family and friends and comfortable environment. Not in the sense that I don’t want them anymore, but more that I am present here, not wishing myself to be there, with them, per say. I had a slight freak out after coming back from Slovenia, and I almost (very compulsively, very Erica-like) bought a plane ticket to London this weekend so I could see Nicole, Sara, Mark, Sasha, and Ryan. But I didn’t, academics, rules, contraints, etc.

But I’ve been really trying to listen to myself, a lot. Coincidences are miraculous and unnerving, and very important to stay tuned into. So I didn’t end up going to London, but I did end up figuring out what my ISP was going to be, having a kickass interview, and meeting some wonderful students from Amsterdam. All because I didn’t go to London, the place I originally was set on going.

I still earn for underdeveloped place.

Right now I am typing underneath my legs. Its funny but works somehow. Anyway, I met the Amsterdam Students from SIT who had their excursion out here for a week. And it was such a blessing to have them here.
--------
So, I am starting my journey back to Zagreb with the group from Beograd (Belgrade is the capital of Serbia, 2 million population). I am exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally. I cannot describe what I have been feeling lately. Big ups and downs, bigger than ever, emotional uneasiness and vulnerability, loss of self identity…etc. I just can’t seem to know myself here, not like I used to. Maybe I am changing a lot. Maybe I am transforming in a way that I can’t recognize just yet. But I find myself acting as if my personality is hyperextended. I am acting out in ways I haven’t seen in years and it is really bothering me.

But I had a great conversation with becca while walking to the a club the other night. We both realized how lucky we are to have each other on this trip, and how it has really helped us get through. She said some really beautiful things to me. About our friendship and how it is something we’ll hold onto to. She said that I would get along with her family very well and that her mom and I would bond a lot. We decided that if we both come to Belgrade for our ISP that we should live together. We always joke about being so different, but the differences are complimentary and necessary for ourselves.

I admire Becca a lot. She has had such an interesting life so far—with plenty of troubles and successes. She’s got a really good head on her shoulders and is very considerate to others. She is the kind of person I want to surround myself with. We work well together, understanding eachother's needs and giving space when needed. She is a good listener. She is caring and hilarious. We make each other laugh so much! It is such a blessing that she is here.

So I think I most likely will live in Belgrade for the last month of my time here. Not only is it an amazing city, with lots of great places to see, but the people here are wonderful. They are warm and kind. I had two of the best interviews yesterday with two students living in Belgrade. I made a bunch of friends. I visited unbelievable NGOs and have started to grasp the area more, all the while continually getting more and more confused about it all. (i love how i am using words like "wonderful" and "amazing" and "unbelievable". Becuase really, I am just too tired to truly explain poetically how much that city spoke to me. Eloquence will come sometime soon...)

Marco was our coordinator in Belgrade. He knows Orli from a student exchange camp she worked at a long time ago. Marco is studying at the Political Science facultet (department) at Belgrade University. He is 23 and is wonderful! He reminds me a lot of my cousin David actually. And he is a fun dancer. We met a lot of his friends and he really wanted to show us the good side of Belgrade. It worked.

The first person I interviewed was Milan. Milan grew up in a small village 600 km away from Belgrade in Serbia. The town has 18 inhabitants. He moved to Belgrade to attend the University. He graduated last year with a bachelor degree in Political Science. He fought to have Google earth have a very detailed satellite view of his town. He was a member of Otpor (which means resistance, and was the main force that struggled to shut down the Milosevic regime in the late 90’s). He told me what it was like to live through the NATO bombing, what it was like to grow up in such a tense time, how he learned about everyone and everything. What he thinks now. The answers seemed to be more general and objective, rather than raw and subjective. Which was good and bad.

Tijana I had met before our interview, at Marco’s house a few nights earlier. She attended Bard College in NYC for a year back in 2005-2006 on a scholarship. She is in the English and Literature department at Belgrade University and works at the Sava Center, which holds and assists international conferences. Her and I talked for two and half hours last night about everything. Everything. At the end she said she has had a lot of interviews before, but mostly people don’t know what or when to ask things. She said our interview was the most thorough interview she has ever had and that she appreciated that. It made me feel really good because I always wonder if I am asking the critical questions, the deep questions, the questions that get to the heart of things.

I have realized more than ever that chemistry during interviews is so important to the discussion. No interview will be the same. Now interview will be the right amount of time. Some you’ll want to run from, some you’ll want to last forever.

I began to really love Orli this trip, which was so relieving and important to my time here. She has done mostly all of her work in Belgrade. She has lived her for around 4 years. Her life is here now. It makes sense that she was out of her element in Zagreb, which could have a lot to do with how she acted while there. In Belgrade, she was great.

Some things I need to further investigate:
- the difference between rural and urban youth and how they perceive the wars
- How immobility in the region effects and inflames nationalistic trends in the area (the idea that “why would we want to be a part of the EU, Serbia is the best place in the world to be” in order to dodge suffering and depression about current situation) and how this effects denial of the war
- NATO bombings (I heard someone say today when the “USA bombed Zagreb”) – how Serbs were told what happened from the Media
- Current movements/resistances and their motives.

I also met my long distance relatives who live in Belgrade. Judit (a second or third cousin, i think), grew up in Budapest. She married her husband, who is a Serb, and they moved to Belgrade 3 years ago. the husband (i forget his name), lived in Israel for 8 years. I am welcomed there whenever if i return to Belgrade. They have a 3 year old, Laila, who is the cutest girl ever and is already tri-lingual (i'M jealous!). Judit is pregnant again and is due on New Years Eve.

Oh, and last thing: I bought a ticket to Israel. December 17-25. From Vienna. I woke up one morning and realized I had to go. So I am going. By myself. On my own terms. It's how I want it. It's how I need it.

More later. For now, Laku Noc, Lila Tov, Buenas Noches, Goodnight!