Sarajevo

I am in a city that was under siege for 3 and a half years, just 12 years ago.

Many stories to come when I have better internet connection and some more time. It is all so crazy.

Places to Go in the Next 3 Months

October 29-November 4: Bosnia (Sarajevo, Mostar, and then to Dubrovnik, Croatia)
November 4-14: Zagreb
November 14-December 12: Belgrade, Serbia (Independent Study Project, with trips to Novi Sad, Nish, and Novi Pazar, Serbia)
December 12-13: Zagreb
December 13-15: Slovenian Alps for ISP Presentations
December 15-17: Zagreb
December 17-18: Vienna, Austria
December 18-25: Israel!!!
December 25-27: Prague, CR
December 27-January 3: NEW ENGLAND!
January 3-10: Edwards/Vail Colorado
January 10-14: Home, Packing
January 14: Classes Begin at Clark

Holy Shit!

Camps and Festivals

By camps I mean concentration camps, and by festival I mean Zagreb Film Festival.

Today I went to a concentration camp in Croatia, on the border of Bosnia-Herzegovina. It's name is Jasenovac, and it was a working camp during WWII. Italy and Germany took over the entire region during the war. The Ustasha, Croat fascists, were allied with the Nazi's, and attempted to cleanse the then independent nation of Croatia of Serbs (first and foremost), Roma, and Jews. What was most fascinating there was the reason for killing jews: it was almost entirely imported in from the Nazi's agenda. The Jews weren't a people thought of as impure or something to be cleansed by Croat Ustasha (although there was some antisemitism in the area, and I am still unsure of how much of this I should believe). It seemed incredible to me to be standing in a place where an estimated 100,000 people died.

The camp was destroyed right after WWII. What remains is a huge field, with several mounds of grass, a small pond (where blasting happened to extract clay), and a huge Lotus monument. The monument, our guide explained, doesn't hurt the passerbys, rather serves to memorialize that space and that time. It was quite beautiful to be there: to look out into the mountains, to smell the sweet dew on the grass, see the water slowly move. It was hard to imagine that so many people died there. 10,000 Jews, 18,000 Roma, and 40,000 Serbs (plus others I won't forget to mention like Croats, Romanians, Austrians, Italians, Communists, a few Germans). It felt peaceful, but the ground screamed.

In the evening I went with 5 others (including Orli) to the Zagreb Film Festival, which is actually a 10 minute walk from my house. Films are being screened all week! We saw the most beautiful film--made in Israel, called "Jellyfish" by an Israeli couple who are both writers. It was their first movie. See it if you can, it's worth every second.

I would write more, but it's already midnight and I haven't been sleeping enough lately.

So much more to come.

To the moon and back!

(pictures of belgrade)





I guess it has just been crazy around these parts. First we went to Porec, to the Adriatic and the beautiful tucked away hostel and the truffles and wine and olive oil, then to Ljubljana, Slovenia, where the stomping grounds for the Peace institute are, the Metalkova’s, the inspiring communities of artists and journalists and researchers all working together.

Slovenes were interesting, and the city was nice, but, it was too snobby. In the Western European sense. In the EU sense. An example: “oh, you are studying in Zagreb? Why on earth would you do that (loud scoff)”. BITE ME. I love Zagreb. I love its lived-in feeling. It’s humbling. It’s real. You know why I love it so much? Because a lot of it reminds me of Worcester. And I love Worcester.

Then we came back home. Yes, Zagreb has officially become my home, somewhere of comfort and mobility and transformation. This is such an exciting feeling. I can feel myself detaching from my home, from my family and friends and comfortable environment. Not in the sense that I don’t want them anymore, but more that I am present here, not wishing myself to be there, with them, per say. I had a slight freak out after coming back from Slovenia, and I almost (very compulsively, very Erica-like) bought a plane ticket to London this weekend so I could see Nicole, Sara, Mark, Sasha, and Ryan. But I didn’t, academics, rules, contraints, etc.

But I’ve been really trying to listen to myself, a lot. Coincidences are miraculous and unnerving, and very important to stay tuned into. So I didn’t end up going to London, but I did end up figuring out what my ISP was going to be, having a kickass interview, and meeting some wonderful students from Amsterdam. All because I didn’t go to London, the place I originally was set on going.

I still earn for underdeveloped place.

Right now I am typing underneath my legs. Its funny but works somehow. Anyway, I met the Amsterdam Students from SIT who had their excursion out here for a week. And it was such a blessing to have them here.
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So, I am starting my journey back to Zagreb with the group from Beograd (Belgrade is the capital of Serbia, 2 million population). I am exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally. I cannot describe what I have been feeling lately. Big ups and downs, bigger than ever, emotional uneasiness and vulnerability, loss of self identity…etc. I just can’t seem to know myself here, not like I used to. Maybe I am changing a lot. Maybe I am transforming in a way that I can’t recognize just yet. But I find myself acting as if my personality is hyperextended. I am acting out in ways I haven’t seen in years and it is really bothering me.

But I had a great conversation with becca while walking to the a club the other night. We both realized how lucky we are to have each other on this trip, and how it has really helped us get through. She said some really beautiful things to me. About our friendship and how it is something we’ll hold onto to. She said that I would get along with her family very well and that her mom and I would bond a lot. We decided that if we both come to Belgrade for our ISP that we should live together. We always joke about being so different, but the differences are complimentary and necessary for ourselves.

I admire Becca a lot. She has had such an interesting life so far—with plenty of troubles and successes. She’s got a really good head on her shoulders and is very considerate to others. She is the kind of person I want to surround myself with. We work well together, understanding eachother's needs and giving space when needed. She is a good listener. She is caring and hilarious. We make each other laugh so much! It is such a blessing that she is here.

So I think I most likely will live in Belgrade for the last month of my time here. Not only is it an amazing city, with lots of great places to see, but the people here are wonderful. They are warm and kind. I had two of the best interviews yesterday with two students living in Belgrade. I made a bunch of friends. I visited unbelievable NGOs and have started to grasp the area more, all the while continually getting more and more confused about it all. (i love how i am using words like "wonderful" and "amazing" and "unbelievable". Becuase really, I am just too tired to truly explain poetically how much that city spoke to me. Eloquence will come sometime soon...)

Marco was our coordinator in Belgrade. He knows Orli from a student exchange camp she worked at a long time ago. Marco is studying at the Political Science facultet (department) at Belgrade University. He is 23 and is wonderful! He reminds me a lot of my cousin David actually. And he is a fun dancer. We met a lot of his friends and he really wanted to show us the good side of Belgrade. It worked.

The first person I interviewed was Milan. Milan grew up in a small village 600 km away from Belgrade in Serbia. The town has 18 inhabitants. He moved to Belgrade to attend the University. He graduated last year with a bachelor degree in Political Science. He fought to have Google earth have a very detailed satellite view of his town. He was a member of Otpor (which means resistance, and was the main force that struggled to shut down the Milosevic regime in the late 90’s). He told me what it was like to live through the NATO bombing, what it was like to grow up in such a tense time, how he learned about everyone and everything. What he thinks now. The answers seemed to be more general and objective, rather than raw and subjective. Which was good and bad.

Tijana I had met before our interview, at Marco’s house a few nights earlier. She attended Bard College in NYC for a year back in 2005-2006 on a scholarship. She is in the English and Literature department at Belgrade University and works at the Sava Center, which holds and assists international conferences. Her and I talked for two and half hours last night about everything. Everything. At the end she said she has had a lot of interviews before, but mostly people don’t know what or when to ask things. She said our interview was the most thorough interview she has ever had and that she appreciated that. It made me feel really good because I always wonder if I am asking the critical questions, the deep questions, the questions that get to the heart of things.

I have realized more than ever that chemistry during interviews is so important to the discussion. No interview will be the same. Now interview will be the right amount of time. Some you’ll want to run from, some you’ll want to last forever.

I began to really love Orli this trip, which was so relieving and important to my time here. She has done mostly all of her work in Belgrade. She has lived her for around 4 years. Her life is here now. It makes sense that she was out of her element in Zagreb, which could have a lot to do with how she acted while there. In Belgrade, she was great.

Some things I need to further investigate:
- the difference between rural and urban youth and how they perceive the wars
- How immobility in the region effects and inflames nationalistic trends in the area (the idea that “why would we want to be a part of the EU, Serbia is the best place in the world to be” in order to dodge suffering and depression about current situation) and how this effects denial of the war
- NATO bombings (I heard someone say today when the “USA bombed Zagreb”) – how Serbs were told what happened from the Media
- Current movements/resistances and their motives.

I also met my long distance relatives who live in Belgrade. Judit (a second or third cousin, i think), grew up in Budapest. She married her husband, who is a Serb, and they moved to Belgrade 3 years ago. the husband (i forget his name), lived in Israel for 8 years. I am welcomed there whenever if i return to Belgrade. They have a 3 year old, Laila, who is the cutest girl ever and is already tri-lingual (i'M jealous!). Judit is pregnant again and is due on New Years Eve.

Oh, and last thing: I bought a ticket to Israel. December 17-25. From Vienna. I woke up one morning and realized I had to go. So I am going. By myself. On my own terms. It's how I want it. It's how I need it.

More later. For now, Laku Noc, Lila Tov, Buenas Noches, Goodnight!

In Belgrade

I am in Belgrade.
And I want to say a lot more about it, spit some words down on the feelings of the city and the smell of the (trashy gasoline popcorn and stew) air, and how the city is so much bigger than I imagined, and how the people are harder, more stories, less teeth, less development.

Have I said that I desire underdevelopness? Strange but true. Things are so much more powerful and rich in the poor places.

More soon. For now, drinks with Marko, our new Serb friend. Last night I saw a woman run after a man with a rolling pin. And a man followed our tour guide. And this land has 6 million (real number still pending) people die for it.

Love and kisses (Ljubav i puse)
Erica

My First Interview

(the pictures are to remind you that I am still having fun. me and the slovenian alps, spooning party, chilling on the balcony of the SIT office for lunch with Lindsay)

For my first interview, I was lucky enough to have a conversation with two extremely inspirational, accomplished, and hard working women in Zagreb, Croatia. The first, Emina Buzkinic, is the President of Croatia Youth Network (CYN) and a member of the Center for Peace Studies. She is 23 years old and grew up in Sisak, a small city an hour away from Zagreb. The CYN is comprised of 50 organizations (soon to be 65) in Croatia, and works to promote the ideas of equality, integration, and development of standards for the quality of life for the youth population in the country. The Network revolves around 5 programs, development of national youth policy, development of local youth policy, capacity building of youth NGOs, information service and publishing, and international cooperation. The second interviewee was Vesna Kesic. Vesna Kesic is a sociologist, researcher, and a journalist. She was involved with the first feminist initiative in the former Yugoslavia and was one of the founders for an organization, The Center for Women War Victims, which worked with refugees in transition during the wars in the ‘90s. She is presently researching institutional mechanisms for gender equality in Croatia. She is trying to figure out what happened to feminism and the feminist movement and why the current state institutions dealing with gender equality do not function.

It was quite interesting to have these two women sitting in front of me. Emina, a young powerhouse in the activist world, grew up right when the wars in the ‘90s began, right when human rights were pushed to the backburner and territory, power, and corruption were melting the countries, and people, away from each other. Vesna is a part of the established activist community from the 70’s, women who worked very hard to ascertain the feminist movement in Croatia and to put gender equality on the list of things to do. Since the wars have ended, and since Croatia has become an independent entity, how have these two generations coalesced? How are the youth from Croatia learning and understanding their Yugoslav and wartime past? How are they learning about it in school, from their families, in the media? How have ideas like feminism translated to the present time? What does the youth activist movement look like and how has it been affected by the ‘90s, by socialist times, and by the transition into the country we now see? These were some of the ideas that were running through my head as I looked at these two accomplished women, listening to their words and trying to understand what exactly has been created from the days past and how it will affect what happens, and what the youth today make, in the future.

The interview itself lasted an hour, from 3 pm to 4 pm on Monday October 11, 2007. We had a conversation in one of the rooms of the School for International Training office off of Trg Bana Jelacica, Zagreb, Croatia. Vesna was running a few minutes late so Emina and I started without her. About 40 minutes into the conversation Emina had to leave for another appointment, and Vesna and I continued to talk.

Emina told me her background of how she got to the place she is right now. She grew up in Sisak, Croatia, and after living through the wars of the early ‘90s, traveling back and forth from Slovenia and France as a refugee, she attending the Helsinki school for Human Rights in 2002. “I went there and it changed my life. I was there for a week and we had discussions of education communication, team work, human rights, youth rights, women’s rights {…] this completely changed my life and I said yes, this is what I want to be”. After attending a few workshops, where a number of students would meet from Serbia, Croatia, and Bosnia-Herzegovina to talk about peace programming, the importance of communication, and what it means for them. She did a few more workshops and came to study political science in Zagreb in 2002. She was one of Vesna students here and understood that she was very interested in youth participation in the local community. In 2004 was asked to run for CYN board and was soon after the Vice President of the movement. Since then she has been working with them and is now the President. This background was very important to me, because it gave the context in which to think of Emina as a person within the feminist and youth movements from the 70’s until now. Since I had just heard small lectures from both of these women, I had many questions. We covered several topics, and one very interesting issue was how the socialist regime of Yugoslavia effected civil society today and the civil society of the ‘90s, how Emina learned about the “history” of Croatia when it was first forming, and how Croatia was represented to her during the war.

It is very difficult for me to read the books from school and to understand what happened because it doesn’t relate to what really happened. And if you hear the stories from Croatian books and then from Serbian books and Bosnian books it is very confusing. And I am still learning. I started my primary school in 1990, the first of September, I remember that. And the second grade we didn’t have any school, we had like 100 days. And then after that we were learning something that was very confusing and I hated history […] we didn’t have text books. We had classes like ‘the Serbs attacked us’. It is unbelievable. Okay we learned a lot about Egypt and Roman culture and Greek culture, but when we had history classes on Croatian recent history it was all awful it was disgusting it was all about Franjo Tudman and everything he did for Croatia.

She then went on explaining where she was during the ‘90s and how she was going from place to place and what it was like to be Muslim during the Croatian war on Bosnia. She knew something was biased and that something was wrong. “But I am sure the children that are learning the recent history now, it can’t be clear. And Documenta published this addition to the textbooks on the past and like there are some things that I never knew about, I am 23 years old, and I still don’t know the history, what happened, who did something and who didn’t do anything”.

There is an interesting dynamic between the once unified peoples of Yugoslavia (under the slogan “brotherhood and unity”), the war time when the republics split, and the post-war time when independence over one’s own history is allowed and the question of whether communication with their ex-brothers (sisters and everything in between) does or does not exist. Vesna spoke about the state’s control over what and what isn’t said. “During one period of time they [communist party] managed to impose this politics into the education system, into picking books, and so on. So this is kind of the history that they wanted to teach, this historical creationism of the history, this was intention it did not happen by chance”.

Another interesting topic we discussed was the generation gap between the emerging activist population, and the older more established activists from socialist’s times. I asked a question about this, which actually sparked Vesna to ask Emina a question, of the lack of involvement of women within the feminist movement. Emina responded by saying that today’s youth have gotten some “heritage from the socialist times” but more or ideas are new. Current organizations, like the Center for Women’s Studies and B.a.b.e (Be Active, Be Empancipated) are seen as “too strong” in their feminist agendas, or discriminatory towards men. It was interesting to listen to Vesna and Emina discuss how groups like the Center for Women’s Studies should fully allow men into their program, something they have yet to do. Both seemed to agree that it would open more avenues for activists and widen the audience of people they could work with.

The idea of “passing on the baton” to younger activists was spoken about by Emina. “The younger activist feels that they don’t have the open door that they anticipated. For example, in creating policy. If you see the women’s network, I know we have comments in the youth sector, but these are the older activists, why don’t they get us inside? I think that the women’s network […] aren’t paying attention to what young women want nowadays, and they are maybe not so open”. This was a very powerful statement that Emina spoke of. The two discussed for a while about this as Vesna was explaining how the older generations of activists are very comfortable with what they have, that after working and devoting so much of their life to the feminist movement during a time when the state controlled most everything, is a big deal. New ideas and people aren’t so welcomed because of this. And the younger feminist group, Vesna said, established themselves but didn’t do too much because they just had a lot of ideas. She was also explaining how today, a lot of young people just don’t have it in them to devote themselves to a cause, and how that is a very important part in succeeding in a movement. “These young people aren’t that ambitious, [and] you have to be ambitious if you want to do it.”. Near the end of our conversation, after Emina had left, Vesna asked me a very interesting question. She wondered if the reason why women weren’t trying to radicalize feminism as much as in the past is because the community of men around them is, well simply put, nicer.

It seems that the most prominent issue is what and how youth today are learning, and have learned, about what actually happened during the wars. There is an increasing amount of apathy among youth, or wanting to “move past” what has happened. The idea of “dealing with the past”, something that Vesna, Emina, and myself talked a lot about, I believe needs to have a balanced. It isn’t enough to move into the future, but it also isn’t enough to stay in the past. You need to understand your past, the actions, the stories, the truths, in order to move together into the future. But it’s hard for today’s youth. They grew up, depending on where they grew up, constantly in fear of the bombs and in hiding or moving from place to place. Vesna touched on this saying that there was a lot of apathy towards the past among younger people because of these horrific memories they have, that they want to think what they do about Serbs or others and not think about it further than that. I believe this is a very important theme that I need to dive into more, and see how this is different between more and less war affected areas. It probably has a lot to do with the children’s age too. People among Emina’s age range were old enough to now remember.

Another thing that really got me during this interview was that the younger activists are feeling a “closed door” from the older activists. Emina especially feels this way when facing policy changes, something that the CNY has had to work for years on changing and being heard. I want to dive into this issue more and flush out why the youth aren’t being taking seriously by the political machos, and why the older generations of activists aren’t helping them more. Vesna said it is because they worked so much for what they already have and they are comfortable with that, but how can that excuse the lack of solidarity? What can come of this?

I think that everything that was spoken about was well rounded because of who I was speaking to. I had a representative from two very different generations, working on very different projects but who both look at the same problems with different (and sometimes similar) lenses.

ISP rambles, Plitvitchka, and London

So, I had to write a proposal draft for my Independent study. Here it is:

- Proposed Title: Our Children, Our Future: How Serb, Bosnian, and Croat Youth deal with the past they avoided and what it means for their collective future (focusing on women in war)

- Question and focus: How are the youth from Serbia, Bosnia, and Croatia learning and understanding their Yugoslav and wartime past and, specifically, how women were viewed during this time?

- Significance of Study:

o “We are convinced that young people, as future decision-makers, voters and citizens, hold the keys to building an accountable society in the region. The Youth Program aims to connect people across the region, to educate and to strengthen the capacities of young people engaged in the process of dealing with the past. Also to decrease prejudices and stereotypes, and to actively involve young people in social and political life. Education and work with young people will be based on creative and new methods, thus encouraging learning through doing.” (Youth Initiative for Human Rights website, http://www.yi.org.yu/programs_youth.php). This quote serves to show the importance of this research. But I’d like to take it a step further by attempting to understand how, without such organizations like the Youth Initiative, young people throughout the region have grown up learning about Tito, Yugoslavia, Brotherhood and Unity, the Wars, territories and nationalism, ethnicity and minorities, socialism vs capitalism, etc. This research is very important, I believe, for institutions such as public schools, the media (most importantly television), Non-Governmental Organizations, not for profit organizations, politicians, parents, and academics. The children of today will soon morph into the leaders of this region, and how, when, why, from who, and what they learn about their neighbors will significantly effect how they coexist with them (or don’t coexist with them).

§ Some questions:

· What does a typical Serbian public school history text book look like?

· What does a typical Croatian public school history text book look like?

· What does a typical BiH public school history text book look like?

· How do Serb youth think of their role in the war? Is their guilt? Is their pride?

· What do Serb youth think of Milosovic’s role in the wars and in the breakdown of Yugoslavia?

· How are socialism and Titoism thought of?

o After reading Women Collecting Memories, I realized that I could focus what I am interested more on what was talked about within this paper. I am wondering how feminism is taught, how women’s movements are or are not included within the collective memory, how women played a significant role in the anti-war movement in Serbia, in Bosnia, and in Croatia, and how the youth are learning about this. It might seem a little unwieldy, but this quote really spoke to me: “When the war in Croatia and later in Bosnia and Herzegovina began, mass media promoted national homogenization and the drive towards alleged emancipation through exploitation. Images of young, beautiful women in Croatian army uniforms become symbols. Women who survived sexual violence during the war were turned into metaphors. The came to embody their nations: ‘A raped Croatian women is a raped Croatia’” (11). With this in mind, how do young men and women understand the happenings of the wars? How are men presented and how are women presented? “If women are excluded from memories of the recent past, it is very easy to exclude them from contemporary social and political processes” (12). If rape is only tried at the Hague, how is rape justified in history books? How are young boys being raised to think of women? How are women raised thinking of themselves? How do the youth visualize the “female activist”? Is feminism crossing borders or being left behind? How can forgetting this important aspect (women’s movements) of the anti-war movement creating or possibly create tensions in the future?

What do you think?

I think I might go to London this weekend to visit Nicole, Sasha, Mark, Sara, etc. Then I go to Serbia next week. But i have to figure out how to interview this woman from an organization in Zagreb called Cesi which works a lot with domestic violence, sexual education and reproductive health rights and I need to do this before Friday if I go.

Also, today I went to Plitvitchka, the national park in Croatia. It's right on the border of Bosnia, and is quite possibly one of the most beautiful places I've been. we had the day off because it was Croatian Independence day. Some pictures posted throughout.

AHHHHHH.

Excursion one: in photos

Just a few photos from my visit to Porec, Croatia (on the Adriatic), and Ljubljana, Slovenia (the pictures of the crazy graffiti).

Thoughts coming soon.

Love,
Erica