In between sentences

I am in the midst of writing the first draft of my 40-page research paper and I really wanted to flush out a few thoughts about my recent trip to Southern Serbia. In the words of Stasa, the founder of the Women in Black office here in Belgrade, this city isn't real Serbia. Real Serbia can be found in the small towns and villages away from the big cities of Novi Sad and Belgrade, where people live the way Serbians have been living for years. There is a lot of poverty. The streets smell of burning coal (that is how they still heat themselves here). It felt like I was in a movie from the 40's in Serbia after Tito kicked Fascism out. Things have been paused since then. Socialism seeps through the cracks still. It's still very much present there, the remnants of it all.

So far in my travels here in the Balkans, if I keep my mouth shut people don't think I am a foreigner (kind of refreshing from Chiapas). But in Leskovac, the small town in Southeastern Serbia (a few hours west of Sofia, Bulgaria and right on the edge of Kosovo), I was stared every moment.

I was there to have a focus group with youth in the area. I stayed over at the Women for Peace's office. I tried speaking as much Serbian as possible, and got a bit depressed because I just don't know if I'll be able to hold onto it.

The next morning the room was filled with a bunch of 15 year old high school students who were there to learn about the organization, become active, and listen to me, a strange foreigner, as them about a time period they don't remember at all or learn about in school. It's funny, because I am not legally allowed to interview anyone under the age of 18. So the information I got isn't really acceptable. Although I can mention the contents of the focus group, as an observation (without mentioning individuals). It was super interesting to compare their thoughts with the thoughts of the people I've already interviewed in Belgrade and Novi Sad. These kids knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. They didn't know about the genocide in Srebrenica, they didn't know about the siege of Sarajevo, they didn't know about Serbian influence in the wars. The only thing they had learned about in school was the NATO bombings in 1999. Crazy.

I was just starting to get to know people when I had to rush to the bus station to get to a meeting I had set up in Nis, a city about an hour north of Leskovac. I have been finding the kindness of strangers here to really help me in the transportation section of my life. I never know what to do at the bus or train stations here. They are all so different! People have been so helpful.

I got to Nis to talk to the activists involved in the Youth Initiative for Human Rights there. I went to Maja and Rade's apartment, where they offered me some delicious red wine and a place to stay for the night. I wasn't expecting on staying over, but the wine was so good and the company was even better. I didn't take out my notepad or my recorder. I didn't want to. I was sick of the formal conversations and the agenda. I wanted to do it my way for the last interview.

So we ended up having an incredible conversation about life in Nis, the wars, what people are doing now, radicalness of the Youth Initiative and Women and Black and why it has to be that way, etc. 2 others were there, Petro and Marko, and we all just had such a great time together. And I learned a lot. They also are trying to put together a cultural center in Nis for people to go to for a safe and creative space. They hope that it might harbor motivation and energy for activism in Nis, something that is missing there. I hope it works out for them.

I have found that I am happiest when on my own here. I have never really wanted to be a solo traveler, but in some ways it is just so much easier and enlightening. Things flow easier, time becomes less relevant. You go with it. Nobody is saying they want to go home. No obligations exist. Friendships bloom quicker. These are just some things I have noticed.

People I want to remember from this trip: Maja from Zene za mir (women for peace), Jovanna and Milan, Ivana and Nena from Zene za Mir, Rade Maja Petro Marko from YIHR Nis.

And I cannot believe it is December already. I can't believe I am coming home in less than a month. It is all good and all bad and I am trying to synthesize everything I have heard and learned into a paper that seems very far from completion at this point. And I am tired from a night of dancing, kafana fighting, and a hurt foot.